Barring the trust-fund inheritance that keeps you afloat, living in NYC can get rough at times. During those “slice and a soda dinner” days, here are a few survival tips that might get you over the hump while simultaneously ducking your landlord.
Choose things that don’t directly impact your everyday life. If you haven’t used it in a month you probably don’t need it.
1. Books
You don’t need that Introduction to Sociology book from college anymore. Everyone knows you're smart and have a wide range of knowledge. Feel free to get on E-bay, Amazon or chegg.com and sell that shit!
2. Clothes
How many costume parties do you go to? If the answer is less than or equal to zero, why then do you have an all white sequin dress? Both Beacon's Closet and Buffalo Exchange can help you out here.
3. Useless Technology
I know your Colecovision is a collector’s item. But you're broke! You don’t even have the gun to Duck Hunt anymore. Your Atari joystick is missing the red button. Believe it or not … people want this shit. The Portable DVD player you got as a gift in 2003 is as big as a VCR. GET RID OF IT!!
4. Anything Having To Do With Exercising
Let’s face it … you’re already fit and trim because you can’t afford to eat. Maybe you’re busting out of your couch because you don’t even get up to take your unemployment check out of the mail. In either case, why do you need an ab roller?
5. Furniture
I’m gonna keep this sweet and to the point. If you don’t pay your rent, where is the shit going to end up anyway? You can get another IKEA chair in two months.
6. Pets
Dogs, cats, lizards, fish, etc. They all cost more money to maintain than you currently have in your time of need. You’re spending $48.99 on Gourmet California Natural Grain-Free Chicken Meal Formula for your Spanish terrier-shitzu with athsma and you can’t afford a metro-card … MESSAGE!!
7. Non-Sentimental Jewelry
You hate your ex. You hate their parents. You hate yourself for being with that lying, cheating son-of-a-...(enter expletive here).... so why keep his/her watch? Do yourself a favor, go sell that watch at a sleazy pawn store to match that sleazy muthafucka you dated.
8. Tools
Portable drills, hammers, screwdrivers and anything the under-qualified salesmen at Home Depot suggested for your "project" fit into this category. Hey, if you can’t fix your life then why try to fix shit around the house?
9. Plates, Silverware, Cups
Grandma would rather you have a place to live than be on the street. This is your permission to pawn her passed down, antique china set. For future reference, keep one bowl (which also serves as a plate and a cup), a spoon (which functions as a fork and a knife) and that’s all you need playa!
ABSOLUTELY THE LAST RESORT!!!
10. Blood Plasma, Sperm, Eggs, Stripping, Sex
Blood Banker is a directory that can help you find plasma and blood donation centers in your area. In some cities, plasma donation can get you upwards of about $75-100 per visit. IDANT Laboratories allows men to anonymously donate their man juice and get paid- $60 just for being enrolled in the program and about $40 "per specimen" thereafter. The Center for Human Reproduction allows women to sell their eggs for compensation (up to about $8,000 dollars worth). If you're really at a loss for what to do, Sin City Cabaret (located in the Bronx) might be your best option. Just remember, "Make the money, don't let the money make you!"
Stick ya’self!
Stroke ya’self!
Sell ya’self!
Lastly, Don't forget about trusty old Craigslist and Facebook market place.
Written by Tiffany Baker
With contributions from V. Burt
Lastly, Don't forget about trusty old Craigslist and Facebook market place.
Written by Tiffany Baker
With contributions from V. Burt
Stick ya’self!
ReplyDeleteStroke ya’self!
Sell ya’self!
Thats hilarious Tiff! I wish I had half of this stuff to sell though. All I got is my fluids.
@Roy-Aren't you coming to New York Soon? Are you over 5'11"? Do you have a college degree? I think you're good to go!
ReplyDeleteNumber 10 is hilarious
ReplyDelete