When bar hopping in NYC one can get carried away with good times, drinks and friends. In those times here are a few what-not-to-do’s that may keep you from being tossed and keep the party going a wee bit longer. Happy Drinkin!!
#10. Throwing up at the bar
Whether you’re a certified fraternity drinker or a veteran weekend pub crawler chances are once you’ve graduated past Amaretto Sours and Shirley Temple’s with a splash of Malibu rum then you’ve probably had your experiences spilling your guts to more than your priest or your BFF. If you want the night to continue than you must learn what drinks agree and disrupt the delicate balance of your digestion. Once your cream of mushroom soup goes public and the busboys are dispersed consider your party done and DONE!!
#9. Public display of genitalia
This one is a no-boner … I mean no-brainer.
#8. Starting a game of Dodgeball
Games that involve raucous behavior worry the staff and innocent bystanders. Take it from me … leave the rough stuff for your intramural recreational time.
#7. Purposefully Destroying Bar Property
This one is closely related to #8. I had a friend who enjoyed watching his favorite team play at his local tavern, however:
Drinking + Bad Temper + Your Team Losing + More Drinking = Disaster
Punching a hole in the wall will not only will get you booted, but as my friend can attest you can also be awarded the “DO NOT COME BACK” pass.
#6. Stealing bottles of liquor from behind the bar
Crowded bars can be infinitely frustrating when trying to get yo drank on … but don’t let the smooth taste fool you. The time it takes to wait for the bartendar is less time than it takes to take the A train back to Washington Heights when it goes local.
#5. Feeding your snake live food
I know you love your pet. We all know that Fee-Fee is your profile pic on FB, but trust me when I say that animals, reptiles, fish, birds, etc. do not make good drinking buddies. Leave ‘em at home!
#4. Attempting to commit (non-alcoholic) suicide at the bar
If you are having real life issues that are too big for the bar to handle please use your own window, bathroom or roof … btw the number to my therapist is (911)013-5555.
#3. Bringing in your own jukebox
Everyone has their life’s soundtrack. Mine just doesn’t happen to be The Best of Tom Jones on continuous loop. And, unless you want to me to play all 50 albums of the WuTang family at Doc Holidays then I suggest you leave the sound system to its own devices.
#2. Spitting in the owner’s face
There are over 1500+ bars in NYC. That being said you have your choice of what type of establishment you choose to patron. The last thing you want to do is start talking to the only person in the bar who doesn’t fit the dress code about how this place sucks, it used to be so much cooler back in _________. News Flash: The reason this guy/gal stays with drink in hand, is wearing ripped jeans, a vintage coca-cola t-shirt and crocks is because they own the joint. Watch ya mouf!!
#1. Hitting the bouncer during a drunken exhibition of slap-box champion
I am speaking from personal experience on this one. I am not Neo fighting a thousand Agent Smiths and no matter how drunk I get I should know that the guy wearing the “SECURITY” shirt is not my friend and the last thing he wants after a day of repeating the same monologue 50,000 times is the neo-soul/hipster punching him in the kisser. Keep it cool tiny dancer!
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